The Far Reach

Who Is To Blame?

A young boy age 9 was arrested after fatally shooting another boy age 9. Sources say that the two boys had been best friends since the age of 3. The boys were said to be playing a game called "cops & robbers" when the young detainee; name undisclosed, retrieved his father's 9mm handgun from an unsecured location and proceeded to fire one round at the victim fatally killing him.

The prosecution is looking to charge the young boy with manslaughter. The defense has stated that they are voluntarily cooperating with police. In a statement released to the victim's family by the parents of the defendant, they expressed their deepest apologies and sympathy. "We are without words to describe the sadness and heartache we feel." "He was a part of our family too." "We loved him very much!" "We miss him and are sickened over this tragedy." The young boy was sobbing and spoke briefly. "I'm sorry, it was just a game." "I am so sorry". The sadness in the room was overwhelming.

Ask yourself, "Who is ultimately responsible for this child's choice in this situation?

If I was to take a poll what would you say? Society would most likely tip the scale towards the parent, but ultimately there would be a mixture of opinions.

Reality is after decades we have no “good” answer for "why?" We normally base our decisions on emotions and quick perceptions. Unless we can somehow figure out how to make the whole world stop feeling – we will always debate.

Lets’ break it down and “make judgment”. I mean that is what we “do”  as a society right?

If we say it’s the “parents” fault what values do we create? When a tragedy happens or a child behaves badly, irresponsibly, or dangerous, we are quick to blame the parents. As a result the parents blame themselves. “If I had only giving him more of my time.” “If we talked more.” This self-blame leads to guilt and shame and paralyzes our parenting abilities. It renders us ineffective and scared when it comes to responding to our child. “Will my decision harm him?” We second guess ourselves and create inner turmoil. In the end the child is not responsible and not held accountable.

If we keeping making excuses for our children we start to rationalize their “wrong” behavior. “His father was too hard on him that is why he bullies the other children.” WARNING – This is NOT helpful to our children. This only encourages the child to blame others so they don’t have to change or take responsibly. Most likely they will never change this thought process. It will always be, “their teachers fault, their bosses fault, their spouses fault.” We create a pattern.

We need to create a culture of accountability! It is essential to stay focused on the issues and the behavior and directly address them so we can move forward in a positive manner.  Accept responsibility of our actions as imperfect human beings who WILL at times make the wrong decision.

Big Picture here….

• A gun was kept in a home unlocked – Blame – Parents. As parents it is our responsibility to reduce the opportunities available to our children to utilize wrong decision making (Storing a loaded gun unlocked is big opportunity)

• A child fired a gun at another person – Blame – Child. Since kindergarten all my children have been taught that drugs are bad and guns kill. Unless this child was raised in a bubble and never stepped foot in an educational facility, the child knew that is was wrong to use a real gun to play a fake game.

Conclusion –

Did these parents make the wrong decision with the storage of a loaded gun? YES. Did they not show him enough attention? MAYBE? It that irrelevant? NOT REALLY! Did the child know that guns kill? ALL MOST Positive. Did the child choose to ignore the risk of playing with a real gun to make the game more realistic? Yes! Is this story a tragedy? ABSOLUTELY!

So… Who’s to blame?

What We Hide Behind

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The Right Step

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